Two of my absolute best friends in the entire world became moms for the first time ever this year. One had a boy and the other a girl. One had been trying for a long time and the other got pregnant pretty quickly after deciding with her husband that it’s what they both wanted. Both women are married and both pregnancies were planned. I say this, because we have officially reached the age where our friends are getting pregnant on purpose. We are officially getting old.
In all seriousness, we’re adults; having a family comes along with that. Shane and I get asked all. The. time. When we’re having kids and our answer is almost always the same: we’ve got Pascal and each other; that’s enough for now. But whether or not we have the intention of ever having kids is irrelevant. We’re happy with the way things are and don’t plan on changing that in the foreseeable future.
So, what is it like being one of the only ones in your friend group that doesn’t have kids? Is it hard? Has your friendship changed? Do you resent them or their kids? Do you wish things could go back to how things were before the baby?
Let me just go ahead and answer all of these questions with a massive, resounding NO!!
No, it absolutely is not hard. What’s hard about being with your best friend and the cutest babies ever? Nothing. No, our friendship hasn’t changed. And why should it? Having a baby doesn’t change who they are as a person. It didn’t strip them of their individuality. No, I don’t resent them or their kids! I loved them before and I love them now. And now I get a tiny version of them to love and spoil and cry over their perfection. No, I don’t wish things could go back to how they were! In case I haven’t already made my point, I am so ridiculously in love with their children, it’s not even funny. Their children are an extension of them, and I love my best friends with all my heart. Their new roles of motherhood have not changed anything about them, although I have seen more of my friends’ boobs than I ever did before, but it’s not like I don’t know what boobs look like.
Have things changed, though? Yeah! When we’re together, we have to plan around the baby’s schedule, because babies give zero fucks about our made-up concept of time. They’re hungry when they’re hungry, they’re tired when they’re tired, and they’re poopy when they’re poopy. They don’t care about what plans you have for the day. But I wouldn’t even consider that a negative. If anything, it’s a good excuse to be able to take a break in the middle of the day and slow down and just enjoy being together. Plus, I get all the baby snuggles and love and laughter and smiles I could ever want without the commitment of having my own. And I get to be a fucking fairy godmother! We still do Target runs and Starbucks dates and go out to eat and explore the Halloween store and have sleepovers and stay up too late and watch movies and do everything we did before! It just is a little less spontaneous and a little more coordination now.
I’ve been an aunt since I was twelve years old. I was in sixth grade and I didn’t quite grasp what it meant for me and my family. But that means I’ve been around babies and children my entire life. Just because I don’t have my own and probably won’t doesn’t mean I don’t get excited and ooh and ahh over them. I love kids! And yeah, my oldest niece turns 15 in November, so when you find out your best friend is pregnant for the first time ever, it’s a bit of a different kind of excitement now that you can actually enjoy it.
Being best friends with a new parent, especially if you had a close friendship before baby, shouldn’t be hard. Again, they are literally the exact same person, but with some added fun perks. They still want to see their friends and go places and do things. Just, maybe make sure you call or text and ask if it’s okay before just dropping in. That’s just plain rude. And if you feel like your friendship has changed negatively, maybe it’s time to take a step back and consider that you might be the one changing it. And if you are, talk to your best friend about it, because if they’re anything like my friends, they’ll be so happy you called and want things to go back to normal.